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| She's back |
| 03.29.05 (11:08 pm) [edit] |
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Well, I'm extremely knackered again, but that's because I had a very late night last night. No, I wasn't up to any Percy Filth - I finally decided to pull my finger out and stop moping about that agent and get back on board with my book. Since that agent stuff I've been really despondent. I was struggling to write a rat story, was disappointed by a lack of response all round to the story and basically came close to giving up. I guess that's why I've been focussing more on my poetry. But on Monday I reread the book and it was almost like I hadn't written it, and I could enjoy it from an outsider's perspective. Now I'm very very critical when it comes to my work, but I laughed so much at my book. The characters are fabulous, and the stories are daft. They would definitely appeal to children and they are funny. So...I've started the story I was struggling with from scratch and I'm much happier with the result so far, and this morning I posted off three more submissions to agents. Watch this space.
Hobbes seems a lot better - his breathing's still a bit noisy i.e. whiffly, but the phlegmy noise is gone and he seems a lot livlier. I've been dosing up Derfel as well, as he is a little prone to it and I thought - pre-emptive strike baby! He's in good health now too, although both the boys are a bit pissed off with me for trying to poison them last night. I can't blame them really - I accidentally tasted a bit of baytril yesterday and it was grim!
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| No change yet |
| 03.28.05 (1:02 am) [edit] |
Thanks guys, for wishing little Hobbes well - he's had two doses of medicine so far but they don't appear to have had a great effect. He seems to be better in the mornings and I'm fairly certain the problem is in his throat and not his chest - I've listened to his chest and it sounds quite clear - clearer than mine anyway!
Well, family have all gone now. I hate showing my family around London lol, they're such tourists - they insist on seeing all of the touristy things which gives me mega rage. I tried to explain to my mum why we don't go to these places usually - because once you live in London you are too damn tired to be irritated by loads of tourists. Usually after about an hour I'm fighting the urge to go on a killing spree. My sister Anna was so paranoid about travelling by tube or train, and she was near to tears if we stepped over the yellow line to look at the meeces on the track. It's nice to have the house back to normal now, but I can't believe I've got to go to work tomorrow! Sucks!
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| She lives! |
| 03.26.05 (12:33 pm) [edit] |
It's ok, it's ok - I'm still alive and bloody moved to pieces about you guys all worrying about me! I am extremely touched and I love you all very much! Basically I have been on a bit of a downer, which always makes me go into recluse mode, and by the time I'd picked myself up I had hoards of relatives staying with me for the easter break (everyone wants to come to London on their hols.)
So - my week eh? Well, it's been a week of rats and shopping I guess. Still missing Bronte, but my biggest concerns are over Stitch, who has suddenly aged overnight, and Hobbes, who is sounding very chesty and poorly.
I'll explain a bit more about why this has sent me on a downer - Stitch is one of the main characters in my book. She has a huge personality - evil genius, I like to call her. She is bad tempered and bossy and impossibly clever and mischeivious - a very lively rat. And now she's old (she's only a month younger than Bronte) and it's really taken me by surprise. She's got old-age-spread, saggy jowls, white fur around her mouth (she's a black rat) and patchy, suddenly sparse fur all over her body. Strange as it may seem, it's knocked me for six. She's so larger than life that when I think of her I still think of her in her prime. Now she's slowing down, it makes me wonder how much longer we have with her.
As for Hobbes. Well. Let me tell you a story about my first ever rat, RiffRaff. I bought him when I was 19 and at university. He was a ginger-brown hooded buck. My then boyfriend was on secondment in Sweden and I was lonely, so I bought Riff to keep me company. No-one I knew had a pet rat, but I liked the sound of having a pet that was a bit different. Boy, I fell in love with Riff'. No word of a lie, I loved that rat and he loved me. He was incredibly tame and affectionate, and followed me around like a dog. He was a big, beefy rat and he used to copy me - never seen anything like it. If I scratched, he scratched. If I coughed, so would he. He even pretended to talk -when I was chatting to him he'd open and close his mouth every time, like he was answering back. He's watch the telly in bed with me (I had a futon and he'd hop on while he was free-roaming around my room). When I was poorly he's bring me food from his bowl and place it on my chest, then go and bring me more. Once, while I was on holiday and my flatmate was looking after him, he escaped from his cage and they couldn't find him. He was curled up in my bed (under the duvet) fast asleep. I took him everywhere with me - to the shops, to the bank, to the park to feed the ducks, to lectures. He was my absolute best friend - we were inseperable. He'd watch me from his cage where-ever I went. When Riff was four months old my boyfriend returned from Sweden and it was hate at first sight on both parts. Marcus hated Riff and tried to push him aside - Riff bit Marcus. It was the only time he'd ever bitten anyone. I lated found out that Marcus has persistantly cheated on me and he was treating me so badly that even now I'm a bit messed up when it comes to relationships - he mentally abused me. We split up, and Riff got me through it. He knew I was upset and when I cried he licked my tears away. He bucked me up. Then, when he was about 9 months old he developed THE chest infection. Rat-lovers know the one I mean. I spent hundreds of pounds on medicine, took him to the vets every other day for about 6 months so he could have injections. At times it helped, but not much. He was dying a slow and painful death right before my eyes, and I knew I was going to lose my best friend. It was agony. Then, on my 21st birthday, he finally died. My heart broke. He was nearly two at the time when he died, and had been sick for most of his life. And I prolonged that because I couldn't bear to see hi go. I needed him. Guilt that still haunts me. Even now, nearly four years on, I dream about him and wake up crying. I talk about him so much I once drew a picture of a rat to illustrate something when I was a teacher, and one of my pupils asked 'Is that RiffRaff miss?' He is a character in my first novel and, fuck, even my blog states the fact that I love him in the title. My friend, who is a medium, told me a brown and white rat was with me before she's even known I'd had pet rats. And he is.
And right from the start, I've thought Hobbes was Riff come back to me.
Apart from the hood colouring, they are the same. Hobbes has had a few on-off brief dalliances with the snuffles, but nothing serious. He is now 9 months old and he is making the most awful phlegmmy noises. It sounds terrible. I'm so scared. I've loved all my rats, but I'd never loved one as much as Riff until I got Hobbes. Right from the start I knew it was special. I'm so scared he's going to suffer like Riff did, because I know this time I would have him put down young rather than suffer. I can't bear the thought of losing Hobbes yet, he's my baby. Smurf was only a year old when I had her put to sleep because of the same thing.
Well, Hobbes is having Baytril daily until...well, until the baytril runs out. Just please send positive thoughts.
Well, today I got a check for forty pounds from the animal bedding company, enough to cover Derfel's vets bill. I'm writing an article for fancy-rats.co.uk about how to understand what your rat is saying. And I'm writing a porn version of the phantom of the opera because...well, you know...
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| Kinda despondant |
| 03.19.05 (10:08 am) [edit] |
Feel very despondant. Some brighter news - the company that made the sawdust that made derfel so poorly has written back offering to pay the vet bills (power to the people! Have decided to complain more!) Mallow is now in with Derfel, Hobbes and Baldrick and Effie is in a nice big new cage Mallow has had the crap pounded out of him, but all has been sorted out now. Mind you, Mallow has got to the point that if any of the others come within an inch of him, he squeaks like nuts and slaps them hehehehe He's like the weedy kid at school who shouts 'I'll set my dad on you!' when the bullies have him in a corner. We did try to put Derfel back in with Stitch so she's not alone, but Stitch is a grumpy cow these days and she pounded him. Derfel was so scared of her (half his size she is!) so we put him back with his boys, so he's happy again.
And I'm thinking of my friends on blogging sites. There's only 4 of you, but you're great1
Ratty, for being my clone - a great laugh and a great mate, with excellent taste in rats and a wicked sense of humour and a heart twice as bigxxx
Lynn, who is soooo sweet and kind and lovely, and I feel like we've known each other for years.
Danette, who I wish would post more often because sometimes I worry about her and I miss her when she ain't around. One spirited laydee is our Dan, and we loves her. So kind.
And Tlilly - I wonder why her confidence is so low when she's so gorgeous and wonderful and her posts are so great to read because they let us into her heart, and let her into ours. Girl, you got loads of devoted mates reading your blog - I got 4!!!
But I got the best 4 xxxxx
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| What a sucky 24 hours |
| 03.19.05 (9:39 am) [edit] |
Well, it has been. Worked sucked yesterday (which I won't go into here, but it DID suck), I went to the drs to be told my sleepiness and bloating was down to my diet and the fact I boycott all fruit and veg. Basically, my dr figured out that it wasn't just that I disliked veg, but that I had a very real phobia about them (the taste, the smell, the texture, the way they rot...bleuch!) As a child my dad would force feed me peas becuase I, like most kids, didn't like veggies. I remember sitting at the table crying as he spooned them into my mouth and kept my mouth shut. Don't get me wrng - I don't blame my dad in the least - it was all done with love and he was worried I'd get sick, but meal-times did become a trial in our household. Even now the thought of touching veg makes me break out in a sweat and I was crying when the dr explain that, quite simply, my body wasn't going to let me survive much longer unless I started eating veg. So now I HAVE to, or I'll get really sick, and it's making me feel very panicky.
Then, last night, my VCR player chewed up my precious Newsradio video (Lynn and Danette have probably heard of it - an American sitcom, not very big in the UK but was on the paramount channel a few years ago and I taped three seasons worth.) One video was lost by an ex, and now this video is dead. I am sooooo upset, becuase I doubt it'll ever be shown on British tv again and it's one of my fave programmes ever (up there with Friends, Frasier and Spaced).
And this morning Bronte had to be put to sleep, but I don't want to talk about that much.
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| I have a fan |
| 03.16.05 (8:22 am) [edit] |
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I received this IM yesterday on allpoetry - thought I'd share it:
I must say I'm overwhelmed by your smile, infatuated by your eyes, seduced by your locks, and seriously in love with what we in India call 'Kaya' (Soul!). How I wish you were nearer...for evening of romance and poetry...thank you for being you.
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| Still exhausted |
| 03.16.05 (12:14 am) [edit] |
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Had longer sleep last night, many weird dreams, Si slept on the sofa because he thinks maybe his snoring is messing up my sleep, slept for 9 hours, still feel like shit...
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| Me so sleepy |
| 03.15.05 (4:35 am) [edit] |
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No exageration. I knew it was going to be a bad day when I woke up, sat back on the bed and told Si that i was going to go back to bed as soon as I got home again - usually I don't utter that comment at least until 9.10am and I'm nearly at work. Didn't even make it out of bed today. Si came back to check on me because I was so tired he thought I'd gone back to bed (I've done that before.) Certainly my brain wasn't engaged because when he came into the rrom and said he was cold I said 'You should put your stanley knife on then.' I meant dressing gown. God knows how the two words got mixed up like that. Anyhow, now i'm at work and ready to faint and/or cry. Can't understand why I'm so sleepy - I had a good 7 hours sleep last night.
Bought Samurai Legends on the PS2 at the weekend and made the mistake of down-oading Mah-Jong onto my mobile. oops.
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| Ain't they cute! |
| 03.13.05 (8:25 am) [edit] |
I'm really glad you guys have seen my babies now - aren't they sooo adorable? (Especially Hobbes). And thatnks Lynn, Hobbes' Difficult Question was my favourite rat poem too - kinda like a nursery rhyme.
Had a fun day today, shopping with me man and stuff, our fridge and freezer are filled (for the first time in a long time) and my bloating has all but gone. Won't tell you where it's gone, mind...
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| Finally |
| 03.12.05 (3:49 am) [edit] |
I've finally managed to get some pictures of the rats onto the internet. So, if you want to see my beloved fuzzbutts, go to my poetry site (only those who ask/I've already told will get the link) and click on my list: 'Oh Rats!' There are a series of poems dedicated to my rats, each with an accompanying image. The pictures are poor quality because I took them on my mobile, but they're still nice.
Still bloated to buggery.
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| In an arsey mood |
| 03.11.05 (12:06 am) [edit] |
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Today I am feeling utterly fucked off. Not sure why really, other than that it's my monthly and as a result I'm spoiling for a fight with ANYONE (come on you fuckers, let's be having you aaaarrrrgh!) Plus I got sent home from work at about 4pm yesterday because I can't stop feeling nauseous. I mean really pukey, though I haven't been sick. Basically, I am so bloated I'm in agony, constant bad stomach cramps and I can't get comfy. I've never been so bloated in my life. I just want to stick a knife in my stomach to let the air out - I'm sure it would work.
So basically, that's a rough assessment of my mood.
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| A Survey For you to steal |
| 03.06.05 (8:47 am) [edit] |
Thought I'd start one of these up. Please steal it and fill it in - when you do, can you let me know in my comment box. If you then pass it on to anyone else, please can you get them to tell me they have it too by commenting on this blog.
1. Your username - why? A shamisen is a Japanese guitar used by geisha, and I'm very interested in that culture.
2. What special skills do you have? I'm quite good at impressions.
3.Are you learning anything new? Yes - japanese and Palmistry.
4. If you could be any film character, who would you be? Christine from the Phantom of the Opera.
5.What pets do you have? 6 rats (Hobbes, Derfel, Baldrick, Mallow, Stitch and Bronte) and 2 mice (Effie and Tinker).
6. Which is your favourite? Hobbes.
7. And your least favourite? Tinker.
8. What's in your handbag (or wallet if you're a bloke)? Mobile phone, packet of cigarettes, several lighters, keys, several pens, my tube pass, my work pass, post-it notes, stamps, purse, digital camera, earrings, two Japanese lucky charms (a green 'health' teddy bear and a 'Hello Kitty' kimono charm), my walkman.
9. Boxers or Y-fronts? Boxers.
10. What colour are your eyes? Green, with gold around the pupils.
11. What did you want to be when you grew up? A vet.
12. What type of mobile (cell) phone do you have? Motorola V500.
13. Where did you go on your last proper holiday? London - which lead us to deciding to move here.
14. What did you last dream about? I dreamt I bought a spliff from Will Smith, whilst the actor Dave Foley declared his love for Si, and I told everyone he was gay. Meanwhile, my sister was dating Mike from friends, who was also gay and obsessed with a guy called Phil, who was dressed up as a toy elephant without the trunk. The elephant was red. Ross and Carol (from Friends) got back together and we all got into a big double bed and sang songs.
15. What did you last watch on tv? Friends DVD, Series 2.
16. What was the last book you read? 'The Good Women of China,' by Xinran.
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| Meet Mallow |
| 03.04.05 (1:34 am) [edit] |
Yesterday was about as perfect as it gets, which is bizarre because it involved one or two things I don't usually like doing - such as getting up very early and a trip to the dentist.
First of all me and Si had to get up at 6.30 because we had a man coming around to do a gas safety check. So we snuggled up under the duvet on the sofa all sleepy like and watched a fab programme about British Wildlife on ITV3, which was absolutely gorgeous. Then I had a fably refreshing shower and did my makeup and ended up looking truly gorgeous, if I do say so myself. Then my mate from work sent me some jokey texts, which made me giggle and feel accepted and with friends. Then I went to the dentist. I have a biiiig problem with dentists - the one thing in life other than being in terrible debt which scares the crap out of me. And this was a new dentist and I was fully expecting to need extensive treatment - I drink about 6-10 cans of coke a day and my teeth are a mess. I explained this to my new dentist and she was great about it, so lovely and mumsy. She explained everything she was doing and really put me at ease, didn't judge me or criticise me like my last dentist. It turns out I only need two fillings and two extractions, which sounds horrific I'm sure, but I was fully expecting to need dentures. Plus I'm going to be very heavily sedated for me treatment (to stop me running out the door with various surgical instruments in my mouth) and she's going to do it all out once. And it's costing £130 but I was expecting at least £1000, so that was good news as well. Plus she's going to fix my chipped front tooth. I felt so relieved afterwards I was almost crying, couldn't stop thanking her. The sense of relief I felt carries on even today!
Then me and Si went into central London and we saw an adorable lickle black mouselet on the platform who was seriously cuuuute! Then we went to London Zoo, and it was so much fun, we were giggling all the time. I really enjoy Si's company, he is so much fun and really hot too! We are so in tune with each other. And there were lots of baby otters and I wanted to steal one but couldn't fit them in my pockets. I'll take a carrier bag with me next time.
Then we went to Harrods and we went up to the pet shop to have a look and they had some baby boy rats, and we bought one! He's a mini Hobbes (pink eyed champagne hoodie) and we've called him Mallow because his fur is baby-soft and so snuggly. He's a very posh rat. And he has a lovely temperment - very calm and well behaved and tame, but he's still a baby so he's playful too. We introduced him to Hobbes, because Hobbes has such a good nature, and Mallow has fallen utterly in love with him. It's so funny seeing them together because Mallow looks like a mini-me and he hero-worships Hobbes, following him everywhere he goes. Hobbes has been very trustworthy with the baby too, very tolerant considering Mallow keeps pouncing on his tail and biting it. It is very funny to watch Hobbes running around with Mallow hanging onto his tail by his jaws. Derfel is tolerant of Mallow too and is letting him get away with stuff. He's less gentle than Hobbes, but he's trying. If only the same could be said for Baldrick. Baldrick is like Tigger - a nutcase, and he bit Mallow on his chest quite nastily; poor little chap has a big bloody cut on him now. It's understandable - Baldrick was the youngest and the bottom rat in the boys' colony, so there will be a power struggle. Mallow will go in with the boys eventually.
Derfel's skin is clearing up (yes dan, I use the same bedding in all cages but only Derfel has reacted like this). Hobes has been grooming him gently, bless him, but I think Derf will be ok. It still looks nasty, but less nasty. Derfel, Hobbes and Baldrick are altogether now - I had to seperate Stitch and Derf becuase she kept attacking him and she's top rat so she always wins. The change in Derfel is amazing. He's gone from a wimpy little neurotic rat to a confident and happy rat (he's top rat in the cage now) and he is always purring. He's like a new rat. I feel bad for Stitch and Bronte though, cos they did love Derfel, but Stitch was so mean to him.
By the way Lynn, Derfel has been fixed, which is why he was in with the two girls before. Hobbes and Baldrick aren't fixed which is why they were in a seperate cage. Mallow, obviously, isn't fixed either, so now the sexes are seperated completely. But Stitch is in love with Baldrick. Whenever he goes past her cage she gets very exited and flirts with him. But she hates Hobbes and tries to slap him if he looks into her cage. It's funny. She can probably sense that Hobbes is a little gay-boy.
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