I'm so fed up of my job.  Every day I seem to be getting an e-mail from my boss telling me I've done something wrong.  What's so infuriating is that a lot of the time it's because she's contradicting herself.  For example, last week she told me it was ok to leave a few small tasks over the weekend to do on Monday, especially if you're the person who's doing that particular job on Monday.  Today I've been told off for doing just that i.e. even though you're doing this job today you should have finished it completely on Friday, you need to manage your time better. Also accused me of slacking on Friday - I wasn't but there's no use arguing.  I feel such an outsider here, I can't even confide in the only person I like in the office, because last time I did that I was told off by my boss. I texted this girl once when I  was ill, asking her to remind me who I had to phone in sick too, and my boss told me off the next day for doing that.  Apparantly the person who's job I've taken over from used to do that all the time - I know they all compare us.  I feel like I can't win, no matter how hard I try.  Think I should stop trying.

Feel like crying. Just don't know what to do with my life.  Anyone could do this job - except for me it seems.  So broke I can't afford Christmas and, when I start repaying the student loan for my worthless bastard degrees it's gonna get even worse.  And I had another book rejected over the weekend.  Can anybody remind me what the point in my existence is, because I sure as hell don't know!

Just had one of my manuscripts rejected.  He said it was very inventive but didn't quite grab his imagination enough.

Crap.

I'm on post delivery this morning and boy, there's a lot of post.

Been feeling very sorry for myself these last few days.  I've been in the world's biggest grump and have had a major downer.  It's Si I feel sorry for most when I'm like this.  We're so poor I even thought about giving christmas a miss this year.  Instead, we're going to put our decs up tomorrow - that always puts us in a good mood.

I really wish we could go home for Christmas this year.  I phoned the other day and everyone was around mum and dad's with the dog, and they all sounded like they were having so much fun.  I felt really left out.  On top of that, knowing this will be the first Christmas I've not been home at all will be very hard.  Mum and dad are virtually begging me to come home and I really wanted to say: ok, I will, but I'll never be able to travel back to get to work.  So I had to try and be detatched, which no doubt means they think I don't care.  Heartbreaking. At least they're coming up to stay with me next weekend.

Starting the gym on Tuesday.

OK, major manic-depressive episode nearly over - I feel like I'm gonna start climbing back up the hill now.  Well, maybe not now.  Tomorrow, I think.

Love to Sith and Danette for their kindness xxxxx

I saw Bill Bailey's "Part Troll" show on Tuesday night and it was ace.  I've always thought he was pretty funny, but this was laugh-out-loud the whole time.  I got to meet him afterwards which was cool - he was really nice if not a little befuddled by the concept of someone asking for an autograph.  Si missed it because he went to get a burger!  A shame, because he loves Bill Bailey.

I'm annoyed with Neopets because little Goblins have taken to coming along while I'm playing a game and nicking my neopoints! Dastards.  And why isn't the snowager ever awake?  And when are the chias going to move house?