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| Odd mood |
| 10.26.04 (3:39 am) [edit] |
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Today I feel a strange type of melancholy. I don't know what it's all about, but I've been feeling it off and on for a few weeks.
Basically, I guess it comes down to several things. The question: 'have I done the right thing?' with regards to moving to London is always lurking at the back of my mind. If I'm honest, I suppose right now I think the answer is no. I'm very lonely. It's almost painful and, when I look over my life, I realise I've never had many friends. Perhaps this sadness is magnified because it's just me and Si now. Much as I love him, I want friends too. It's probably the thing that hangs on my mind the most - Si is my whole world and I don't know if that's healthy.
I don't know what I want from life. I am lucky in that I know Si will always be 100% supportive of me, if only I knew what I wanted to do. There was a time when I was so focussed on getting out of teaching that I couldn't think beyond 'we will move to London'. Now we're there, and I'm as unhappy as I ever was, only now no one cares. I'm 24 and living in a flat of 'student' qualities, in an unstimulating job with no friends. I'm as tired as I ever was teaching, and poorer. Is this it from now on? Is this what 4 years at uni has led me to?
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| Stop Press!! |
| 10.24.04 (2:31 am) [edit] |
Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod.
OK, calm down Shamisen. Start from the beginning.
Well, yesterday I met three stars. The first was Mackenzie Crook, who plays Gareth in the office. I pounced on him by the stage door as he was going in to do a matinee of Cuckoo's nest. He looked petrified, like he just wanted to escape - a clear case of a someone not really enjoying the limelight. I asked him for his autograph and he sort of did a double take, as though he were hesitating, then said Yes. He signed a notebook, which is now my autograph book, and I wished him good luck for the show and he said thanks and smiled, but he looked absolutely petrified. I'm amazed at how thin he is, and his eyes really do bulge. But he was very sweet and I felt sort of motherly towards him, even though he's older than I am.
Then Richard E Grant walked by, which took me completely by surprise and he looked really fed up.
Then, after the performance of the play (we went back) I met Christian Slater. Swoon. I was shaking so much I could hardly think (see previous post). He is sooo good-looking up close and he signed an autograph for me and I had my picture taken with him. He wrapped his arm around me and I wrapped my arm around him. This is now becoming a very cherished memory. I don't know what else to say. I am still very very excited.
So, my list of celebs since moving to London:
Christian Slater
Mackenzie Crook,
Richard E Grant,
Ant McPartlin,
Graham Norton,
Jordan (???? ha!)
Pete Waterman ( hahaha)
and those i've met before:
Michael Palin
Nicholas Parsons
Jason Donovan
Peter Andre (and the snog)
Five (well - one member, in a nightclub)
Mediaeval Baebes
The Chuckle Brothers (don't laugh!)
I know there are a few more but dammit if my mind's gon a blank...they've paled into insignificance compared to dear Christian.
If you've read this please comment...I've texted a lot of friends my picture and they've not replied. Isn't someone a bit impressed or jealous?
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| One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest |
| 10.20.04 (11:54 am) [edit] |
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Christian Slater was born for this role. Now I'll admit that I haven't seen the film version, but last night I went to the Gielgud Theatre and saw the stage production and I was overwhelmed.
If you've got a chance to go to London, go and see this play. It is excellently acted by every cast member (with the exception of a minor nurse character) and a profoundly moving story. All day I've been reliving moments of it in my head and, if someone gave me free tickets, I'd go and see it again.
OK Si, stop reading now.
Now, I've had a thing for Christian Slater since I was a wee girl and he plays the Jack Nicholson character. So big thrill one: I was in the same room as Christian Slater. At one point he gets naked (except for a pair of boxers) and I'm not ashamed to say that I whipped out my binoculars - the only perv in the audience to do so. Big thrill two - I've seen Christian Slater in the flesh and semi-naked. At one point in the play he smokes a cigarette and I could smell the smoke. So big thrill three - I have officially breathed the same air as him. Sigh.
He gave a very powerful and moving performance - as did all of the cast - and reminded me what a great actor he can be. And I was quite - flushed during the electrotherapy scene - not so much about the treatment himself but the way he was bucking and writhing on the bed....I'm gonna picture that moment again and again.
Mackenzie Crook was very very moving. His characterisation was spot on although every now and then he did slip into a janner accent. But his performance as Billy nearly moved me to tears.
Go. And. See. This. Play.
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| New haircut |
| 10.18.04 (5:20 am) [edit] |
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I have a new haircut. It's very short...sorta Joan d'Arc. Looks ok though, but hard to get used to.
Gave Baldrick a bath yesterday. He ended up looking like the rat equivalent of Jonny Rotten. I don't think he was altogether that impressed. Hobbes, on the other hand, loved his first bath. He was splashing around and having a great time.
Really really want to spend more of my time writing. Every now and then I'll go into a book store and see all of the new children's releases and feel a pang of fear - fear that someone will come up with the same idea as me, and fear that the genre will be gone before I have a chance. Luckily my other 3 books aren't genre dependant - one's a futuristic war story with a very human angle and a bit of fantasy, one's a historically grim story and the other is for younger kids. I will be published! I will I will!
Goiing to see Christian Slater tomorrow. Woooooo!
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| Happier thoughts |
| 10.09.04 (11:50 am) [edit] |
I am really into Bryan Adams at the mo (Si bought me his greatest hits). I've been listening to 'Anything I do' and 'Have you ever loved a woman' on a continuous loop and the lyrics just really move me...to a kind of perfect love, very wistful and though provoking.
'And when you see you unborn children in her eyes' I think is the most perfect, soul-inspiring lyric in the world. Also 'Yeah I would fight for you, I'd lie for you, walk the world for you, yeah I'd die for you...' is very moving too. It's certainly helping me get suitably inspired when writing the medieval romance parts of my book. This is an excerpt I'm proud of. Basically, Ailyth is the heroine and she's just been forced to marry a monster. Tristran is her true love and he wants to rescue her. But Heloise, a wise woman in charge of fate, has told him that if he tries to rescue her, she will kill him. Tristran ignores her and goes ahead anyway.
'Slowly and deliberately, Tristran reached for his sword. “I had to give her a chance,” he said. He held his sword up to his chest and, with the blade’s edge, he pushed his tunic apart so that the tip was pressing into his skin. The hilt was held out as an offering to Heloise.
“I did what I had to do,” he said quietly. “Now you do what you have to do.”
As the old woman gripped his sword, Tristran screwed his eyes shut tight and prayed that Ailyth would understand.'
Yesterday me and Si went to a pub in the city call the bell book and candle. Tigerlilly would love this pub. It's gothic horror style, with tombs and crypts and cobwebs and gargoyles...it's like having a drink in Phantom manor. I want to go there again.
We didn't get to go to the filming because the place had overbooked, so we'll go next week as VIPs instead. Possibly a good thing because the guest was Vernon Kay and I really really hate him!
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| Ken Bigley |
| 10.09.04 (10:49 am) [edit] |
I feel sick to the stomach when I think of what that poor man endured. All week at work we have been following the news as though he were a personal friend and when we found out yesterday we were all suddenly very quiet. I have no answers for the problems in this world, and I don't think there are any answers, but I feel at times this world is not worth a second thought anymore. Instead now we must focus on those we love and those we respect, no matter who they are or where they are: if they are in our country or another, if we have met them or not. Is it too simplistic to think that this planet would be a better place if we were all just nicer to each other? Why is that such a hard thing to do? And it's not just the westerners my heart breaks for, but those who are living in fear that they are in a warzone and that they may lose everything they hold dear, that their loved ones will be hurt. I can't imagine what it must be like to endure that on a daily basis and still have to try and live a normal life. I don't care if they hate us or are thankful, or indifferent. If I myself cannot decide whether the war is a good thing, why should I expect anyone else to agree with my views.
My writing is confused because I am. I despair of the hatred, but I understand why people hate. Why shouldn't they? But does that mean we have to go around killing each other. If there could just be one break in the cycle of hatred, then maybe we'd all stand a chance.
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| Poorly Sick |
| 10.03.04 (10:27 am) [edit] |
I have been feeling a little grim this weekend. I think I caught a cold from my boss, who's been hacking and spluttering all week. Yesterday was worse - possibly because me and Si went out and, by the end of the day, my cold was feeling more like flu. Luckily today I slept well, had a nice relaxing bath and detoxed myself with a whole host of Lush goodies. My skin and hair are having difficulties in adjusting to London hard water.
Yesterday Si and me went to the Victoria and Albert museum (first time for Si). I love London museums, they are sooo impressive. Some of the artifacts really take your breath away. What was particularly special for me was that I saw the Devonshire tapestries again, which I love beyond belief. For those who've never seen them - go and see them. They're a collection of tapestries which are enormous, showing various scenes of medieval hunts. They date from the 13th century, I think. These tapestries gave me the idea to write 'The Plague Girl', my first book. Some of the main characters are based on figures from these scenes (Ailyth, Peter (now Tristran), Matthew de Monbardier, Lady Eleanor, Heloise) and it was like greeting old friends.
This week at work I am on post again, which shouldn't be a problem as I seem to have it licked. On Wednesday I'm going to see a show on Sky One being taped and one of the guests is going to be Jude Law! Yet another celebrity to tick off.
Still homesick, but I'll be fine.
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| Settled in |
| 10.01.04 (4:02 am) [edit] |
I seem to have settled into London life. Yesterday I made a profound (and, dare I say, moving) speech about how, at the end of the day, London is just another place. Albeit a bigger place with more to do and higher rates of crime, but a place nonetheless.
I have encountered friendliness too, although not friendship. It is difficult to make friends here. I haven't met a single person from my apartment block yet (although I've heard them - particularly the marathon shaggers who live in the flat above us). I get on well with the people in my office, although it's early days. But in terms of friends, Si and the ratties are my world. And that ain't such a bad thing. Si is, and will always be, my best friend. But if any of my mates are reading this and have been debating whether or not to email me, please do. Or leave a message, I'm not fussy.
The new baby rat has been renamed Baldrick. It suits him so much more. I've never seen such a tiny rat before (and he is a real baby!) and his fur is so soft (now I know what Monsoon make their cardigans out of). But by God, he's fearless. He is so brave...and dumb. Hobbes has given up the fight now and made friends with him.
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